Choices and Regrets
by KillShadow
Summary: *WARNING YAOI AHEAD* "No I don't like guys… I…I like you Stan." Kenny says looking down shamefully. "Wait what?" I say startled feeling my heart skip a beat again. Kenny likes me? Wait do I like him? No I'm straight. I'm with Wendy I can't be gay… I look over to Kenny the need in his eyes apparent. "Kenny…" Is all I say as I lean my head in and kiss his soft lips.
1. The Party

_(Update: Just some small grammar mistakes I found. I also added a disclaimer)_

**Just a small tribute to one of my favorite shows. If you have any ideas for upcoming chapters feel free to share them. Reviews are highly welcomed as I love to hear criticism it helps my writing so why not. I hope to see if anyone is interested if I see this not doing well Ill have to move to other ideas (although I would rather not). I would like to give a special thanks to my great friend Marik who helped with editing and ideas.**

**_DISCLAIMER:_ I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK BLAH BLAH BLAH...I HAVE NO INTENTION OF MAKING ANY KIND OF PROFIT FROM THIS STORY BLAH BLAH BLAH (better safe than sorry :P) ENJOY ^.^**

**Chapter 1: The Party**

"Hey Kyle, hey Kenny, hey fat ass." I quickly greet my friends at the bus stop.

"Hey Stan." They all reply back, well everyone but Cartman who replies with the usual.

"I AN NOT FAT! I'm just big boned." He huffs out quickly. Cartman even at 16 years old continues to deny his weight problem good thing he has friends like us to bring it to his attention constantly or at least try to.

"Hey Stan are you and Wendy going to Clyde's birthday party?" Kyle asks me way too excitedly.

"Yeeeeaaah…Why?" I answer.

"Well I don't know if it's just a rumor, but I heard he was going to have booze. His parents are going out for the weekend, and he's taking advantage of it."

"Yeah it's gonna be great!" Kenny chimes in.

"Yeah nothing goes better than Cartman, booze, and girls" Cartman says seductively.

"Yeah that's the only way your fat ass is getting laid by getting the girl drunk first." Kenny points out, and everyone except Cartman laughs.

"Guys how many times do I have to tell you I am not fat, I'm…" Cartman starts to say.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… 'I'm big boned' we get it Cartman." Kyle says sarcastically as the bus pulls up beside us.

After a long day of school I finally get to go home and relax, but on the way out I see Kenny sulking outside his blond hair waving in the gentle breeze. I get an urge to go, hug, and comfort him, but I quickly push out the thought assuming our strong bond as friends was causing these thoughts to surface so abruptly. I quickly rush over to him and softly say, "Kenny you OK?" He didn't seem to notice me coming so the sound of my voice makes him jump up abruptly.

"Oh Stan it's you." He says relieved.

"What's wrong Kenny?" I ask seeing his eyes on the brink of tears.

"Oh it's nothing really." He says as he brushes away the first of the tears.

"Are you sure?"

"Uuuuh yeah…Well have you ever felt like you were different?" He asks a little shakily.

"Doesn't everyone feel like that?"

"Yeah I guess so…" he says unconvinced. "Hey are you and Wendy still together?" he asks his face full of hope.

"Oh yeah we are." I say seeing his face fall a little

"Stan do you sometimes feel like you don't like…" he stops abruptly his face turning a soft shade of red.

"Like I don't like what?"

"Uuuh never mind. I have to go Stan. See you tomorrow at the party?" He tries to smile.

"Yeah…Yeah of course Kenny, see you there?" I smile back and I notice his smile becoming more genuine.

"Yeah sounds great." Is all he says as he stands up and walks away. I stand there for a few moments after he's gone with only my confused thoughts to keep me company.

"I wonder what was wrong with Kenny. Wait, what's wrong with me? Why do I care so much about Kenny all of a sudden? Ugh damn it Kenny I'm stressed enough about this party as it is. Maybe I should choose what I'm going to wear? Yeah that'll take my mind off of this." My thoughts rage inside my head as I look over at the clock and see the party creeping nearer and nearer. I quickly put on my red T-shirt and my jeans with my red all stars. Perfect keeping it simple was definitely the best way to go.

A few minutes later I'm walking over to Wendy's house to pick her up. She answers the door immediately and I can't help but look at what she's wearing. She has a purple and white blouse with purple skinny jeans that compliment her curvy hips perfectly. Her white shoes finish her outfit perfectly. "Damn, purple my favorite color." I say seductively. I was glad she decided to go the simple route as well.

"Oh? You see something you like?" She says as she twirls around to give me a good look.

"Yeah I do." I pull her in close for a kiss and then lead her to Clyde's house.

I quickly push Wendy through the door and she immediately rushes to the booze on the table. "Wow I might actually get lucky tonight." I say under my breath as I walk over to the table to join Wendy. "How much could one beer really hurt me, it's not like I drink everyday so why not?" I try to reassure myself. I take a huge swig and then another and then another and then…I drop my sixth bottle on the floor half full. I look around dizzily looking for Wendy. "Where is she?" I say in my head. Then I spot Kenny walking towards me. "Kanny hoe are shu?" I try and greet my friend.

"Hey Stan are you alright?" He asks his voice full of concern.

"I great Kanny…Half yoo sheen Wandy?" I ask incoherently.

"Yeah she just left saying something about you being too drunk… that's why I came to check on you." He answers.

"Aww that shucks that she left…Weat im not too drunk." I try and explain myself.

"Come on Stan let's get you somewhere you won't cause any harm to yourself or to others." He takes my arm as he says this, and I feel my heart skip a beat and my face grow hot. I never felt like this around Wendy what's going on. I try and push Kenny away but in my drunken stupor it was pointless to resist. We walk in to what seems like Clyde's Parents' room. Kenny drags me to the bed and sits me down.

"Jeez you reek Stan. How much have you had to drink" He asks waving his hand back and forth in front of his nose. I just stare blankly at him. "Hmm I don't even think you'll remember this tomorrow." He says thoughtfully.

"Yeah? So?" I say childishly.

"Well I just wanted to continue our conversation from earlier." He says.

"OK."

"Well what I wanted to ask you was, do you sometimes feel like you don't like girls Stan?" he says straightforward.

"Uuuh...What?" I ask a little flustered.

"Well it's just that you don't seem too happy with Wendy so I was just wondering if you know you liked guys." He says as his cheeks turn a dark red.

"No I don't like guys do you like guys because I don't." I say extremely quickly.

"No I don't like guys… I…I like you Stan." He says looking down shamefully.

"Wait what?" I say startled feeling my heart skip a beat again. Kenny likes me? Wait do I like him? No I'm straight. I'm with Wendy I can't be gay… I look over to Kenny the need in his eyes apparent.

"Kenny…" Is all I say as I lean my head in and kiss his soft lips. I see his eyes wide in surprise and before the kiss grows more intense I break it and I stare apologetically at Kenny. "Kenny…I can't I just can't," and with that I run away stumbling around on my way out.

I run, and soon my lungs are burning, but I continue to run all the way to my house. I run up the steps ignoring my parents' questions about the party and slam the door to my room. I curl under my blankets and can't help but think about Kenny's lips. I slowly feel my member begin to rise at the thought of kissing Kenny. "Damn it!" I say out loud. "Why did you have to do this to me Kenny?" I question Kenny's motives. I quickly brush aside these thoughts and close my eyes trying to desperately go to sleep. My eyes slowly start too close, heavy with sleep, and my mind drifts through all my conflicting thoughts and emotions.

I drowsily sit up in bed and look around. "How long have I been out?" I try and remember. Suddenly I see my door begin to slowly open and a shadowy figure stands in the frame. The figure starts to come closer and closer. I start to feel anxious and scream "Go away! Mom, dad someone is in the house, help!" Seconds pass and no one comes to my aid. The intruder is soon at the foot of my bed and it begins to walk around to my right. Soon it reaches the window where a bit of moonlight hits the intruder's face and I see that it's Wendy. "Wendy what are you doing here?" I ask the fear still fresh in my voice.

"I just came over to give you what you want." She says her voice sounding distorted.

"What do you mean?" I say. All she does is smile and slowly get on my lap facing me.

"You know what you want"

"Wendy…I cant." I try and explain.

"Is it you can't or you won't?" she asks pouting. Wendy's voice sounded like two people talking at once, and it sent chills down my spine.

She gets up angrily and screams, "fine Stan! Don't do it!" With this she quickly rushes out the door.

"Wendy…Wait!" I quickly get up and rush after her. I pass through my door frame and see her down the hall. I dash after her and catch her wrist. I turn her around sharply and instead of Wendy's face I am met with Kenny's. "Whha…How?" I try and utter.

"Hey Stan what's up?" Kenny says

"Bu…bu…but." I stutter.

"Hey Stan lets go back to your room you don't look so well." He says concerned.

"Ok" I say blankly. He takes my hand and slowly leads me back to my room. Once in my room he leads me to my bed.

"You look better already." He says with a smile.

"Kenny did you really mean what you said at the party?" I ask cautiously.

"Stan of course I did." He leans in and kisses me. I want to shove him off, but I suddenly can't move my body. He kisses me gently and soon he straddles me just like Wendy had before him. I feel an erection begin to strain against my jeans, and I blush at the realization of it. Kenny breaks the kiss and smiles, and it's clear he could feel my erection. I take advantage of the break in the kiss and say,

"Kenny please… stop." He smiles seductively.

"We both know you don't want me to stop Stan"

"Kenny…" Is all I mange before he grabs the edge of my shirt and pulls it over my head. He unbuttons my jeans, and resumes kissing me.

"Stan you'll… like it…I promise." He mutters in between kisses. His kisses start to move to my neck then to my chest. He uses his tongue to trace down the middle of my chest towards my stomach and, at the edge of my open jeans he teases my boxer line. He slowly begins to pull them down…

Suddenly I open my eyes, and I'm lying in bed alone. The rays of sunlight streak my room letting me know it's daytime. I sit up in bed realizing I had been dreaming. "Shit." Is all I say as I feel my very real erection against my jeans. I topple backwards on to my back and close my eyes. I lay there trying to recall my dream and I blush when I remember Kenny on top of me… and his kisses. "Stop it!" my mind suddenly snaps at me. "Fuck me how am I supposed to face Wendy now after I traded her in my dream for Kenny." I say bitterly. I look sadly at my clock and realize it was almost time for me to meet the guys at the mall.


	2. Tentative

**Hello everyone ^.^. I'm sorry for the once again short chapter I'm currently working on the flow of the story and school isn't making it easy, but the next chapter should be twice as long hopefully if everything goes as planned. Thanks to anyone who has or will show their support by reading this poor excuse for a story. ****Like before reviews are highly welcomed. I would also like to give my thanks to Marik my friend, editor, and fellow gamer, who has supported me and my story so thank you Marik.**** I don't know when Ill have time to update since school just started but please be patient I will not abandon this story so...E**njoy!

**Chapter 2: Tentative**

"Ok Stan just act normal." I remind myself. My friends are meeting me at the food court of the mall (no doubt Cartman's idea), and Kenny is going to be there. I blush momentarily as last night's dream slowly creeps into my head once again. "I can't face Kenny or the others if I keep fucking blushing!" I scorn myself. In the distance I see the shape of the mall coming nearer and nearer. "Shit I don't have much time to get my act together." I think to myself. "OK…OK I'll just talk to Kenny about it in private later," I give into to my turbulent thoughts, "but for now I should try and enjoy myself." I reach the doors of the mall and walk in hoping I don't make a fool of myself.

I see the guys at a table and I wave to them. "Hey guys." I greet them nonchalantly. They all nod at me and go back to their food, except for Kenny who keeps staring at me with his piercing blue eyes as if trying to find out what I was thinking. I shake my head noticing I had been staring back at him. I give him a smile and turn towards my friends who were in the middle telling jokes.

"Hey guys I got…" Cartman begins to say.

"Cartman it better not be a Jewish joke you asshole." Kyle interrupts.

"No, no, no Kyle. I have better taste than that." Cartman says slyly. "What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe...? A canoe tips!" He says quickly before Kyle could interrupt. Kenny who had soda in his mouth spits it all over the table as he laughs. I can't help but giggle, not because of the joke but because I never noticed how cute Kenny looked when he laughed. Shit there I go again, I quickly focus my attention back to Kyle and Cartman's argument.

"Oh yeah fat ass? Two can play at that game."

"Whatever Kyle bring it on." Cartman retaliates.

"Cartman if you went on a diet two undeveloped nations would have enough food to eat for a year!" Kyle says indignantly.

"Hey! I'm not fat you fucking Jew." Cartman angrily replies.

I momentarily hear Kenny's laughter and I have to try extremely hard to turn my attention back to Kyle and Cartman. If they keep this up we'll have an all-out brawl not to mention Kenny's laughter is turning me on. "How about we go to the video game shop?" I suggest.

"Videogames?" all three answer.

"Fine but don't think this is over Kyle." Cartman threatens. Kyle just rolls his eyes as we stand up and throw away our trash.

At the video game shop I have to constantly remind myself not to stare at Kenny, but soon I see my opportunity when Kenny goes towards the front by himself to check out the discount bin. I walked calmly next to him and picked a random game feigning interest in it. "Hey Kenny we need to talk." I whisper.

"Sure Stan, what's on your mind?" He keeps his head down but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Well I kinda meant somewhere a little more private." I ask a little flustered.

"Aaah sure how about you house at six?"

"Well I don't know about tha…" I begin to say.

"Then it's all settled." he says, and before I have anytime to argue he walks over and joins our other two friends.

"That didn't go according to plan." I say under my breath, but it was better than nothing. I cautiously join my friends in time to hear my friends talking about the new Grand Theft Auto game or whatever. The more time went by the more uncertain I became of my own feeling. What am I supposed to tell Kenny, "Hey man I may or may not be gay and I may or may not like you, I don't know"?

After about an hour Kyle had to go saying he had to do something with his family. Cartman left not to long after saying he had to be home on time to watch his favorite show. This left me and Kenny alone which sent chills down my spine.

"Hey Kenny I have to go…"

"Aaw, really Stan?" he says a little hurt. I guess he wanted to spend some alone time with me, but I can't I just can't. I'm scared that I'll really like spending time with Kenny. Normally it would have been a blast, but now…it was just complicated.

"Yeah I have to get home or else my parents will kill me." I lie.

"It's barely five." he says a little suspicious.

"Yeeeah…my parents can be strict sometimes." I continue to lie.

"Oh I see…you're going home to get ready for our little 'date' tonight." He says jokingly.

"It's not a date!" I say too harshly.

"Yeah I know Stan I was only joking…" He says trying to smile, but his eyes give away his disappointment.

"Well I guess I'll see you at six?"

"Sure." Is all he says as he walks away leaving me to my thoughts once again.

I get home around five thirty, and I quickly rush up to my room and hop into the shower. I let the warm water flow over me. The water slowly washed away all my stress and even boosted my confidence with what I'm going to do in half an hour. I quickly get out of the shower, dry myself, and get changed in a shirt and some jeans. A few minutes later the doorbell rings. I quickly feel all my previous stress come rushing back inside of me. "Oh shit. Oh shit. O shit." I begin to say between breaths.

"Come in Kenny. Stan is up in his room." I hear my mom say to Kenny.

"Thanks Mrs. Marsh." I then hear footsteps on the stairs and a soft knock on my door.

"You can come in Kenny." I say uncertainly.

"Hey Stan." Kenny says with a forced smile. The tension in the air was thick, and very apparent to both of us. "So here we are." He says rambling.

"Yeah. Sorry for being so weird at the mall today. I wasn't really myself," I apologize, "…I haven't been really since last night." I add.

"Oh?" Kenny asks as his whole figure tenses up.

"I was very drunk that night I know, but I do remember everything." I say slowly and cautiously. I see a hint of fear in his eyes, but he also looked relieved. It was quiet for a while and I began to think Kenny wasn't going to say anything.

"I'm sorry Stan." He says plainly.

"What? What are you sorry for?" I say confused.

"I'm sorry I had to go and say that to you. I wasn't thinking and I didn't expect you to remember." He says quickly, and looks down. I slowly absorb what he said and think of what to say next.

"Did…did you mean it?" I ask. He looks up quickly after I ask.

"Yeah…Well at least I think I do…I'm not even sure anymore." He says honestly. "It's just that I'm scared of what people will say. All my life my family and friends have talked about how I'll grow up to have a wife and children, but lately I'm not too sure about that."

"Same here…" I say softly, "I never really noticed how I felt about this before because I never really thought about it. I always just assumed I was happy with a girlfriend." I look down.

"Man we are something." Kenny says smiling bitterly.

"Yeah we sure are."

"So what do you want to about this?" he asks.

"Well I had a dream last night." I say slowly not sure if I wanted to tell him. I decide I should since it is relevant to our conversation. "Well in the dream Wendy is in my room, and after saying no to fooling around with her she ran. When I caught her she turned…into …you." I finish, my face blushing. I look at him and I see his stunned face turn into a mischievous smile.

"Are you sure that's all that happened after I appeared?" he asks.

"Yeah of course." I lie, my face growing extremely hot. "The point I'm trying to make is that even though I don't know what to do about our situation, I know I have to stop going out with Wendy. I just can't lie to her."

"Yeah I guess that would be the best thing to do." He agrees.

"Now what do we do about us?" I ask.

"I don't know…maybe WE could try going out," he says, hope very apparent in his face, "I mean secretly of course." He adds quickly.

"I don't know Kenny…" I say unsure. "Maybe we should just wait and see what happens…you know maybe it's all just a phase?" I say hopefully.

"Suuure...whatever you want Stan." He says as he leans in close. I close my eyes as I feel his lips press softly against mine. Entranced by the kiss I slowly feel his body lean against mine, pushing me onto my back. After a while I snap out of my daze and pull away from the kiss. I catch my breath feeling my heart thudding quickly against my chest. I look into Kenny's longing eyes, and I feel tempted to kiss him again. "Maybe you should go…" I say softly before I do. His eyes fill up with sadness as he gets off of me.

"Sure." He says as he heads for the door, but before he reaches it I quickly catch his wrist and turn him around into my embrace.

"It's not you Kenny it's just I don't want to get ahead of myself…I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about you and this situation." I say with a lump in my throat.

"It's alright Stan I understand." He says on the brink of tears. I feel him his arms wrap around me, and I hold him tight as we both slowly start to shake, our sobs drowned out by the other's shoulder.


End file.
